Tom A. Gribble
English info, Spring 2013
1 Summer 2013
Human being Behavior Self-Reflection
Feedback We received:
2. Explain how some defeat certain terrible situations
* Intro has a large quote, atmosphere the paper, and also needs correct quotation * Previous sentence in intro would not tie the ideas collectively, thesis is definitely lacking power * In the body, expand on the girl via Rwanda inside your class 5. Another body paragraph might do the composition well; perhaps explain just how some defeat traumatic obstructions they encounter * Not very well organized
* The final outcome doesn't wrap up the composition; the ideas veer off on another road rather than stick to the first thoughts. Re-word it, generate it more precise and tie it more towards the opening statements to provide a obvious answer. 2. Change subject to suit the paper
5. Opening word " professionвЂќ; what occupation? State this outright. 2. Long estimate, different quotation
* Citation for a paraphrase
* Point out clearly that genetics is why we respond differently in same conditions * Offer citation and relevance of story about classmate
* Minnesota mixed twins study somewhat overused, and referenced wrongly; needs the long offer citation instead. * " Works CitedвЂќ, not " BibliographyвЂќ; should also be alphabetically organized
After i reread my personal essay, I see that it is very unorganized, and I never quite state my personal intention in the paper. After reading all my illustrations and data, I see which i need to clearly state that genetics has a significant influence upon human habit. The long quotes likewise dilute the ideas inside the essay, rendering it even much less organized and understandable. The entire body paragraphs will not tie well into the essay's main idea. I do nothing like this newspaper. I can do much better. I want to rename the essay, correct the format (using a proper outline), use transition sentences, and state clearly that genes has a great impact on the behavior.
I made a number of changes to my own essay. Initial, I reduce...
Bibliography: Bouchard TJ Jr, Lykken DT, McGue Meters, Segal NL, Tellegen A (1990). " Sources of human psychological distinctions: the Minnesota Study of Twins Reared Apart". Scientific research 250 (4978): 223вЂ“228.
Iacono, T. G., & McGue, M